I know this is going to draw a deep intake of breath and cries of disbelief, but in 2 weeks time I hit the big 40. It’s the beginning of middle age, the long road downhill towards incontinence and dementia, of inflamed prostates and the type of pale yellow bag that is neither stylish nor comfortable to wear as an accessory.
Most of those things will hopefully be a long way off or even better, will not happen at all. I don’t kid myself though. I’m getting older and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
My body has been giving me warning signals for a while now. My nasal hair is starting to require almost daily attention, growing at an unfeasibly alarming speed. If I left it for a week I fear it would become longer than Rapunzels hair. My hands look older now; I look down and barely recognise them. A glance at my back in the mirror tells me that I appear to be morphing into Yogi Bear.
I await the ear hair with keen interest and a small amount of trepidation. Seriously, what can you do about that?
Another thing that I’m waiting for is my mid life crisis. Everyone assures me that it is going to happen, I’m male and nearly 40 and it’s a foregone conclusion. I’ve been told that it could be anything from buying a couple of Hawaiian shirts to running away from my family and starting a new life with a woman half my age and a shiny red sports car.
According to Freud, this crisis is driven by an impending fear of death; others believe that it’s more to do with finding purpose that is lacking in life. It can be triggered by losing someone close to you or the loss of a job. Wikipedia reckons that it can last between 3 and 10 years once it sets in.
So, are there any symptoms yet?
Well, I’m not feeling trapped, I haven’t been out shopping for the Magnum PI look and (like 90% of the country) I’m skint, so the impulse purchase of a fast car or a motorbike are out. I’m not obsessed with death (not nearly as much as my 5 year old son is anyway) and I’ve not yet started questioning the meaning of life. Not unless you count watching the Monty Python film of that name.
I think the thing is that I’m happy. I’m feel very lucky.
I have a wonderful family, a nice house and a good job (at the moment) and I feel fairly content. Like so many others, I could do with a few more quid in my pocket but it’s not going to kill me to go without. I have good friends and nice things to look forward to. My parents are ace and whilst I wish I could see more of them (they live in deepest darkest East Anglia
I await this crisis with interest. Maybe it will never come. Maybe it will be much smaller symptoms. I’ve started listening to drum and bass and have just joined some friends in very casually playing in a rock band. Maybe that’s the sum of my “change”.
We’ll see…
